The Art Of Getting Your Kids To Talk To You

Being a parent isnt easy. Some days just getting everyone in your family all together at the same time for dinner can seem like the "impossible dream". Between after school sports and clubs and working and errands and carpools, its not surprising that almost half of the parents in a recent survey said they feel a growing distance between themselves and their children.

Todays children have more things to deal with than kids did even twenty years ago. Drugs, violence, mixed messages in advertising, peer pressure, packed schedules and outside activities all add to the pressure they face.

So how, in the midst of all this chaos, do you find time to talk to your kids -- and more importantly, have them talk back to you?

Here are several ideas that can help:

1. Eat dinner together as a family at least three times a week. Conversations flow easier when they happen around the dinner table. If your family is conversationally-challenged in the beginning, think of conversation starters before each meal. Plan a family vacation, letting each child talk about where theyd like to go, or what theyd like to do. Talk about current events, the latest movies or upcoming special events. Ask your children open-ended questions that have to be answered with more than yes or no.

2. Turn off the outside world. Set aside "family time" each night and have everyone turn off their phones, the computers and the television. Let your friends and extended family know that you wont be available during that time, and stick to it. Your kids (especially teenagers) may joke about it, but secretly theyll probably be delighted. Use this time to reconnect with each other. Watch a movie, play board games, take turns reading out loud, but whatever you do, do it together.

3. Cook at least one meal a week together. Even your youngest children can do something to help. If your kitchen is too small for everyone to fit, schedule a "helper" or have your children be responsible for different parts of the meal. Your family will grow closer during this time, and your kids may even start the conversations themselves. (You can always get the ball rolling by talking about things you did with your parents. While you may not be cool, chances are your kids think your parents are, and will be impressed).

4. Make it safe for your kids to talk to you. Let them know that you wont get angry or upset if they talk to you about whats going on. If they tell you something "off the record" then let it stay that way. (Emergencies and dangerous situations aside).

5. Listen to what they have to say. If youre working, or doing something else when your child starts to talk to you, they may give up if they know your attention is really somewhere else. Give them your undivided attention when theyre speaking.

6. Use active listening skills. Make sure that you understand what your child is telling you. Repeat what they told you and ask questions.

7. Set aside special time to spend with each child. It may be nothing more than taking one child at a time with you when you run errands, but let each child know that you value spending special time with them.

8. Be patient. Dont expect a "perfect" family. If youre not June Cleaver and your husband isnt Howard Cunningham, its okay. Just remember that perfect families really dont exist outside of television re-runs.

Just keep trying, and youll learn the art of conversation with your kids isnt as hard as you thought!

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How to Raise Your Kids in a Balanced Way

Although many everyone has their own different styles of parenting, there are 4 main styles of parenting. These four different styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and than uninvolved.

Uninvolved parenting is really just a lack of parenting. It is hard on children and should not be the way of parenting. Kids suffer issues such as feelings of rejection, lack of self esteem, and issues with trust. In the long run the children are harmed emotionally.

Authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive styles describe a range of styles. Authoritarian parents are at one end of the spectrum. This kind of parenting tends to be high in structure and low in responsiveness. Permissive parents are then located at the opposite side of the scale. This parenting style tends to be low in structure and high in responsiveness. Authoritative parenting tends to be located in the middle of the scale, and is a balanced parenting style. There are many different parenting styles out there; these three represent a very wide range scale.

Structure is important to authoritative parenting. There are clear rules and limits and children know that there are consequences for their actions. Routines and schedules help provide a sense of stability for children. For example, a child knows when bedtime is, and a teen knows when curfew is, and both know what will happen if he or she is late. Stability in this sense allows children to feel secure, and that, it turn, allows for an all around better atmosphere. There is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parent to bend the rules on occasion. Like if a child would like to stay up late to watch a favorite TV show.

Authoritative parents also are responsive. Children have a voice in the family and the input is value. Mom and dad respond to their childrens needs and problems and are sensitive to their childrens emotions and feelings.

In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have a choice, but only up to a certain point. Parents should listen to their input, and take into consideration what the child is saying, and feeling, but the final decision lies with the parents. These types of families function as a team, and different needs are accommodated for. This results in less conflict and more balance.

Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style. Structure and responsive are both high. The parents are involved with their childs life, and are flexible, but they still are parents. There are structures, limits, rules and boundaries, but they are not rigid. Children with this kind of parenting tend to do well socially and functionally in life. They tend to not get into problems and not to have serious emotional problems. This type of parenting is balanced, and produces balanced children.

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